A Rule of Thumb: Take children's fear as a very real event for them, even if what they are afraid of doesn't exist (e.g. a monster under the bed). A monster may not be real; but the fear is.

In looking at the brain developing according to age, a preschooler does not have the logic of an adult. Therefore, using logic to talk them out of their fears will not work. This is where compassion and comfort come in. For instance, in the scenario of walking across a slotted bridge with narrow cracks, as long as a child can see through the cracks, they think they will fall through. (Some children may be oblivious to this.) An appropriate response when the child is afraid would be to pick them up and carry them, not try to reason with them about the slots.

In very non-scientific terms, this is what happens when a child is afraid:

Sometimes children lie -- because they're afraid. 

Sometimes children lie because they have become afraid of the person they are lying to. 

If you think your child is experimenting with lying, begin by writing down every time you observe it happen. What situation did it appear in? What brought it about? You can also keep a chart. You may begin to discern patterns.

9 personality characteristics that parents can notice within the first few months of a baby's life:

1. Activity Level
2. Rhythmicity -- predictable schedule
3. Approach/Withdrawal when presented with something new
4. Adaptability (similar to Rhythmicity) -- how they adjust to change/disruption to routine
5. Intensity of Reaction -- how strongly they respond (smile/whimper vs chortle/howl)
6. Threshold of Responsiveness -- sensitivity to stimuli, e.g. wet nappy, whether right away or after some exposure
7. Quality of Mood -- happy a lot vs unhappy a lot
8. Distractibility -- how easily they stop fussing with distraction vs not distractible/very focused
9. Attention Span -- playing with one toy for a long time vs moving on quickly

This list is to whet your appetite for further reading. Check out the book at your local library.

Berger suggests that children can be stretched in the following 5 of the 9 categories: 1, 3, 6, 8, 9.

Three-year-old Jonathan would not go anywhere without wearing a hat. He called it his "helmet." One day, Kirby and Jonathan were out walking in the woods, and Jonathan realized that he had forgotten his helmet. He started to get panicky. Kirby quickly offered him the knit hat she was wearing because of the cold, and he calmed down.

After a while, Kirby asked him, "How do you like wearing my helmet?"

Jonathan replied, "I like it. It keeps me from falling down."

​This is a little different from our usual posts, but I want to talk about something that is a familiar face to parents—fear.

A friend of mine just had her second baby; her first son is a toddler. This week, she wrote about her worries that all the attention she is giving her baby will damage her older son. Will he feel unloved? Neglected? Will he start to resent the baby? Will this hurt him for life? Can she be a good mother to both kids? What if she's not doing enough?

Does any of that sound familiar? I bet it does, even if the thoughts are not about the same issue. From pregnancy through having adult children, we have fears about whether we've chosen the "right" approach or philosophy, about how our own personality, limitations, mistakes, and choices will affect our kids, and how in the world to handle all the curve balls our children throw at us. We often feel like we are groping our way through a dark, booby-trapped room, and it can be terrifying. And perhaps deepest of all, we fear that we are not good parents.