Children tend to not handle change well. Their brain has trouble shifting gears, similar to a railway car in need of assistance to shift tracks. Some children are better with change than others. This is based on personality or temperament. But regardless of their personality or temperament, there are ways we can help our children learn to deal with life’s inevitable challenges that come with change.

•       They need routines.

If you can have a fairly stable routine (e.g. “This is what we do at this time of day…”), children tend to relax and exhale at the thought of knowing what is coming next.

•       They need rules/expectations that are consistent, that they can count on.

Children need to know what is expected of them and that it is not going to change. If you make a rule, try your best to stick with it. Yes, new rules will happen at different ages and these can be discussed ahead of time if there is a change coming. When this is appropriate, it is helpful to stop, get on the child’s level, look them in the eye, and describe the new expectation. Then have them repeat it.

If you want your children to grow as they should,

give less attention for bad and point out the good.

It’s a simple fact: children do more of whatever they get attention for. This means that if it’s throwing a tantrum, or shouting, or whatever other behavior you want them to change, give less attention to it. And it means that if you point out their good behavior – whether a positive attitude, or listening well, or whatever other behavior you want them to continue – they will most likely increase the frequency of that behavior.

Today’s post is a follow-up to last week's article on If you want your children to grow as they should, give less attention for bad, point out the good. As Kirby was reading George MacDonald’s book The Lost Princess this week, a few things came to mind about pointing out the good in our children. In fact, she would highly recommend the book as it brings to light the importance of humility as well as distinguishing between self-esteem and conceit. So today we’ll be mentioning a few take-aways she had as a child-development specialist reflecting on that story.

Point Out the Good

First of all, when pointing out the good in our children, we need to be sure we point out what is true. If a little one is experimenting with art, we might be tempted to say, “This is the best art I’ve ever seen!” But that is most likely an untruth. Rather, we could say something like: “Wow, look what fun you’re having!” The child may be gifted, but they have room to grow. Giving them the truth will enable them to grow in their talents and pursuits.

Depending on our personality and energy level, we parents often stack the calendar to run the errands all at once. However, with young children in tow this can backfire and have knock-on effects. (Though remember, all children are different.) Their mood can change as quickly as a faucet turns on or off. A meltdown often comes without warning. Sometimes, though, there are tell-tale signs in their body language. The key is to stop before they crash, and the key to that is to know your child.

Know when your child’s energy is gone, or nearly gone. Some children’s metabolism may need a regular snack to keep them going. It is highly recommended to have some healthy snacks on hand wherever you go. When you are aware of your child’s needs, you will be able to pull out some raisins or pretzels in the car, or some cheese or “fairy sandwiches” at home. There’s fresh fruit, of course. And fresh vegetables such as carrots or celery sticks are good options as well. Hey, even canned cut green beans can work!

But not every case of the grumps is from hunger. Sometimes if they are not sure how long your errands will last they can begin to get agitated. As you may recall from previous posts, children thrive on routine, on knowing what to expect. So even if you are a more unscheduled kind of person, find some sort of balance for the both of you so your child has some sense of what’s coming next – or when it all will end. This will help you discern when their grumps are coming from a crazy schedule or simply from tired hunger (“tunger”? Which can make them “hangry”).

Anyone else having trouble getting your toddlers to not touch holiday breakables, power cords, Christmas trees and the like?

Small children (under 3 years old) don’t know their own strength. And they often drop things. But, as we all know, if such things break they could cut them. This becomes a safety issue. How can we protect our wee ones? Here are some very practical suggestions.

The first step is to move things up beyond the reach of the child. This changes when a crawler becomes a walker, who then becomes a climber. So get things out of reach and keep them out of reach.

The holidays can give family a wonderful opportunity to share the deeper meaning behind these celebrations, whether it’s the birth of Christ at Christmas or the miracle of the light at Hanukkah. Hopefully the activities we introduce you to today can help get your kids to think beyond what they are receiving and get to a better perspective: this is a time to give gifts of love, which is a huge part of many holiday traditions.

Act It Out

Act out the story of the holiday using a set of unbreakable figurines such as a nativity set or menorah. Make sure every child has a part to play. One of the adults can read the story while the others act it out. This can be as long or short as you deem necessary depending on the age and attention span of the children. It is important that the children be involved in the story.

Children do not automatically know things. We wish they did. Sometimes we think they do. But often times young children – and all of us for that matter – do not know something that we think they understand or we think that we’ve communicated clearly… but did the message come through really?

They’re in doubt, so point it out.

1. Point out how they can communicate that they want or need something.

Materials:     

• Spray Bottle (the more whimsical, the better)
• Water + drop of mint oil or mouthwash

Anytime children need to be focused and giving attention one can whip out some Magic Listening Mist! This is a simple tool, easy to make, and very easy to apply.

As used by some kindergarten teachers, spraying a little scented mist into the air at the appropriate time can be a way of triggering little imaginations and therefore producing more attention. Beware of overuse or use when not needed as some of the magic slips away under these circumstances. However, when instructions are being given for the next task at hand, this little item can be very useful.

Travelling with children can be a special time, even on a road trip! The kids have the potential to triple their vocabulary on a week-long car trip if that's what is chosen to work on. Relationships among family members can improve with interactive car games. Whether infant, toddler, or early elementary, littles can have fun and leap ahead in cognitive development and fine motor skills while en route to your holiday destination.

While technology is a very handy tool to have when travelling, make sure your children are not on their devices the whole travel time. Pack a backpack/travel bag per child that they may fill with their travel treasures. Elementary age children can usually make independent choices on what to leave and what is important to bring. This may include dolls (with add-ins of ribbons, pieces of fabric, etc.) that would be useful for making up stories so be sure to include several that can interact with each other. Comic books, graphic novels, magazines, coloring books, and educational workbooks are all lightweight for easier transportation. Crayons are recommended over markers for use in the car but be sure to keep them in a baggie in case there is weather hot enough to melt them.

A separate family trip bag can be filled with toys that are never seen except for on a trip. These toys might be:

Does your gene pool have learning challenges in the mix: ADD/ADHD/autism/dyslexia? Studies of children diagnosed with autism show that early intervention has helped to the point that the autism was undetectable. There are also early intervention techniques for physical challenges. Almost any problem that presents itself in childhood can be helped if we work with the child in fun and helpful ways. Involving as many senses as possible in the learning process including physical activities is a key factor. If the body can move while learning, by the time a child is school-age the brain will have made all kinds of new connections.

Maria Montessori, the first female doctor in 19th century Italy, saw children labelled "mentally retarded" and believed they could learn. She broke everything down into small components and taught using the body through doing activities that laid the groundwork for math, language, and all other learning. After Montessori worked with them, the same children with these labels on their identity were then able to pass the exams taken by "normal" children. 

Let's look at some ways to employ this technique to break math down into small parts. For a child to learn math it has to be pieced apart:

Sometimes children lie -- because they're afraid. 

Sometimes children lie because they have become afraid of the person they are lying to. 

If you think your child is experimenting with lying, begin by writing down every time you observe it happen. What situation did it appear in? What brought it about? You can also keep a chart. You may begin to discern patterns.

A Rule of Thumb: Take children's fear as a very real event for them, even if what they are afraid of doesn't exist (e.g. a monster under the bed). A monster may not be real; but the fear is.

In looking at the brain developing according to age, a preschooler does not have the logic of an adult. Therefore, using logic to talk them out of their fears will not work. This is where compassion and comfort come in. For instance, in the scenario of walking across a slotted bridge with narrow cracks, as long as a child can see through the cracks, they think they will fall through. (Some children may be oblivious to this.) An appropriate response when the child is afraid would be to pick them up and carry them, not try to reason with them about the slots.

In very non-scientific terms, this is what happens when a child is afraid:

Children today experience a very different environment to the one their parents grew up in. Back in the day, Mr. Rogers knew what he was doing when he built a time into his program simply for thinking. We need to spend time every day just thinking. Just imagining. 

As a parent, remember to carve out time for your child to have a quiet, slower time to stop, look, and listen. A time to be outside and observe.

For further reading see:

In Teaching Kids About Money, Part 1, we laid a foundation about beginning to help your children think about money -- immediate and delayed gratification, spending, and generosity. In Part 2, we set a few more helpful concepts in place before giving some practical games for teaching about money in Part 3.

Once your children start getting the ideas introduced in Part 1, you can introduce them to budgeting: allotting some of their money to different categories (charitable giving, saving, food, etc.). This is an important value to plant and nurture. 

In regards to spending what you have budgeted together, show the child how much frivolous spending adds up. Teach them to give up little things: a coffee here, a soda there, a Dollar Tree treat here and there. Physically collect the money that these little things would have cost so your children can see how much money they could have to work with if they control their spending and save.

Families have different views on how they spend their money. This post is not written to tell you how to spend your money. These are just ideas for you to think about, tweak, and make fit your own family.

One foundational issue with money and how to use it is about gratification. Should we quest after instant gratification or delayed gratification? As parents, we want to help our children think through this as they mature. There is a spectrum:

Spend Thrift ---- to ---- Skin Flint

When Kirby Worthington, co-founder of Growth and Giggles, was working toward her Master’s degree, she spent time as a director of a Montessori preschool. She had read research on repetition and decided to test it out. On a very cold winter’s day, after three days of freezing rain and no outside playtime at school, the sun came out and it was time to go outside again. However, under the swing there was a giant mud puddle full of the freezing rain. Before going outside she gathered the children and told them: “We’re going to get to play outside, and you can play on any of the equipment – except no swinging today”, and she explained about the puddle. As they went out the door, she stopped each child asking them, “Where are you NOT playing today?” And they would repeat back to her, “No swinging and no playing in the mud.” Do you know, the experiment worked and not one child broke the rule. She was outside observing their behavior and, sure enough, they had in their minds what to do and what not to do. And they stuck to it.

If they repeat it, they’ll likely complete it.

If you get children to say the rule or expectation, they’ll generally choose to listen to it. (Not always, of course; let’s be realistic!) It helps to have them repeat it the first time. But what really helps is to have them repeat the rule every time you have that expectation of them.

Kirby reminisces fondly about her mom being the only parent who got out and played with the neighborhood kids. Kirby followed in her footsteps. The kids noticed. "You like being with us!" 

Outdoor play can be for parents and children. It's really important to play outside with kids, not just to send them out and invite neighborhood kids over. Their development will leap ahead -- socially, cognitively, physically, relationally (especially toward the parent playing with them).

But you may not have had an experience like Kirby's. And if you have not seen it modeled, you may not be able to picture it.

What are the times when your child seems to desperately need you? Are you on the phone, cooking dinner, talking to a friend? 

When they want your attention when you are concentrating on something else -- when you need space and they are coming up with intriguing ways to get your attention -- these are the times you will want your "Emergency Box."

An Emergency Box is a place you can put things that children can do without a lot of supervision.